When we desperately dredge for the elusive happiness, bliss and mirth; the reverse can captivate us into murky depths of despair... It is those illusory strums that our mind plays to lure us to dark despair-land - a mysterious realm, painful yet providing some sort of pleasure. When we get engrossed in its tunes... readily following, wallowing in self pity and anxiety.
When a simple game unknowingly becomes the essence of life, falsely. You know the futility, the unreal nature of it all - yet you want to cling on, cling on desperately to some distant dream for we know it is unrealistic. So what? We say until it envelops you in its fangs ... that IS when you gain enlightenment. Pain and troubles/failures are our true guiding lights attuning us towards self-actualization and to what is so true to our very nature and nearest to our heart.
The best of times make you edgy and nervous as if you can fall off the cliff - success in conventional terms that is not in sync with your innermost core, beliefs or your calling and it's the heights that you reached that bring you down to terra firma - a classic case of insecurity or nature's balancing mechanism, consciousness's whiplash?
Just so on the contrary despair does bring out some latent good from within us too.
When you finally realize - you find it so dreamy, unrealistic and realization dawns.
Those dark, vile, despair spewing days.... now seem from some distant dream. Here's some poetry from those days:
Hints of Despair. PDF (An anthology of poems) - (also on Scribd)
The times have changed.
Addendum from IIMB PGSEM:
Quirks, fights, ridiculous ideas, furious arguments, nightouts, awesome or near awesome presentations, jam ke teamwork, free riders and free ridee .... last minute head banging, clueless whispers, professors' appreciations and sarcastic comments and what not...
Wow! 2 years go by haan........! Dekhte dekhte - life has indeed changed for the good ...
As for me, I have got into a track of life closer to my dreams and clarity (mixed with unpredictability which indeed makes life delectable and irrational just as much as we humans are...).
Am living a life I love to lead and for most others too I am hoping, who have reached better careers, better lives and better heights or depths (of thought or life) as the case may be!